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It was when i was ~ 2 to 3 years old...
Friday, April 25, 2008
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Friday, April 18, 2008
Diplomacy – acting all the way
It is too hot outside and humid too. If it doesn’t rain in this early Baishakh, it is too much. At least for someone like me who is caught by fever with body ache only after moving in the sun for a couple of days. I don’t know much about lots of the hard working people working just beneath the sun day in and day out to get the two ends meet. See I am again flagellating.
But Hey!! Wait… Wait… I am drifting away from the topic.
As you grow older, whatever you are in life, successful or a loser, at the top or at the bottom or rather pushing all the way for a place in the middle like the huge crowd and me, one thing is for sure. You learn acting as you grow older. You need to be diplomatic all the way; no emotions whatsoever (or you need to fake the emotion in some situations like a funeral of a distant uncle). If you get success, reach at the top, yet you can not shout “See I am at the top. Come on chase me… I will piss you all off.” You can not show your joy… you must put a matter-of-factly smile on your face.
And more importantly,
Say you lose the game. You get to the bottom with a distinct thump. Suddenly you see people who were behind you are suddenly way ahead of you (like it happens when your car/bike crashes in a racing game like Road Rash or NFS), when your life get some unusual wrong turn which you did not anticipated even in your darkest nightmares, when people just cease noticing your presence, you become suddenly invisible as if you are a total not-worthy-type of person, then also you must put a diplomatic smile stuck to your lips as if nothing have happened and your are still the happy-happy person as you were some months before. You can not shout… you can not scream your heart out. You are fucked up in this jail of pseudo happiness which does not let you to be genuinely too happy or too sad.
You can not speak your heart out.
I sometimes get a mood of singing aloud or laughing to my hearts content (whatever may the reason be) at a crowded Sealdah station. I could do so when I was under five. But if I try that at this age, people will pay me a long curious/disgusting/brushing-over-top-to-bottom glance. If I dare to do it again someone will ask me if I was alright or just tell me to stop. If I do it for the third time, there are again options. Either there will be crowd all around me or someone will slap me hard or I will be handed over to the RPF.
And as a result (I think) you gradually become a never-happy-never-sad class of ROBOT. By acting that you do not have any emotions most of the times, one day you really lose them.
You see, most of the times we don’t know what we actually want. Even if we get to know what we want, we can not speak them out (desires is the root cause of all evils… I know. But still, with out fulfilling desires you can not walk the path of detachment … I think. And desires may not always be “bad things” like wanting to have sex with the pretty chick at the bus stop or killing your bad boss out.) Just because of the fact that we need to be smart and diplomatic.
Sometimes I think it is better to be an animal.
But Hey!! Wait… Wait… I am drifting away from the topic.
As you grow older, whatever you are in life, successful or a loser, at the top or at the bottom or rather pushing all the way for a place in the middle like the huge crowd and me, one thing is for sure. You learn acting as you grow older. You need to be diplomatic all the way; no emotions whatsoever (or you need to fake the emotion in some situations like a funeral of a distant uncle). If you get success, reach at the top, yet you can not shout “See I am at the top. Come on chase me… I will piss you all off.” You can not show your joy… you must put a matter-of-factly smile on your face.
And more importantly,
Say you lose the game. You get to the bottom with a distinct thump. Suddenly you see people who were behind you are suddenly way ahead of you (like it happens when your car/bike crashes in a racing game like Road Rash or NFS), when your life get some unusual wrong turn which you did not anticipated even in your darkest nightmares, when people just cease noticing your presence, you become suddenly invisible as if you are a total not-worthy-type of person, then also you must put a diplomatic smile stuck to your lips as if nothing have happened and your are still the happy-happy person as you were some months before. You can not shout… you can not scream your heart out. You are fucked up in this jail of pseudo happiness which does not let you to be genuinely too happy or too sad.
You can not speak your heart out.
I sometimes get a mood of singing aloud or laughing to my hearts content (whatever may the reason be) at a crowded Sealdah station. I could do so when I was under five. But if I try that at this age, people will pay me a long curious/disgusting/brushing-over-top-to-bottom glance. If I dare to do it again someone will ask me if I was alright or just tell me to stop. If I do it for the third time, there are again options. Either there will be crowd all around me or someone will slap me hard or I will be handed over to the RPF.
And as a result (I think) you gradually become a never-happy-never-sad class of ROBOT. By acting that you do not have any emotions most of the times, one day you really lose them.
You see, most of the times we don’t know what we actually want. Even if we get to know what we want, we can not speak them out (desires is the root cause of all evils… I know. But still, with out fulfilling desires you can not walk the path of detachment … I think. And desires may not always be “bad things” like wanting to have sex with the pretty chick at the bus stop or killing your bad boss out.) Just because of the fact that we need to be smart and diplomatic.
Sometimes I think it is better to be an animal.
- Joydip Datta
Saturday, April 05, 2008
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