Blogging from Delhi

How does it feel when you are away from home. After a day long journey in Poorva Exp I reached now delhi and got into a hotel... and now as usual passing useless time in a Delhi cyber Cafe...

10 rupees for half an hour, this means i still have 10 minutes left. This marked amount of time is a bit peculier. You can not just dump and go, yet, youo can not sit and think to... deliver a better post.

Ha Ha Ha

I know it is rubbish as usual. I am not even properly using the spell checker.

Anyways bye...

(The computer table makes my wrist ache)

Chat with PARIS!!!!

How many subjects are there in engg?

Ever wondered how many subjects we need to study in our B. Tech. course under WBUT? Here I made an exhaustive list for Information Technology course. Nearly 80 subjects in four years... I think no more justification is needed for the popular sms about engineers. Which goes like this:

4 yrs, 40 subjects, 400 experiments, 40000 lectures, A normal man can't do this. Remaining abnormals are called ENGINEERS!!!

Here is the list:

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Bachelor’s Degree (B. Tech in Information Technology):

First Semester:

1. English Language and Communication
2. Engineering Physics
3. Mathematics
4. Mechanical Sciences
5. Basic Electrical Engineering
6. Environment and Ecology
7. Engineering Physics Lab
8. Electrical Engineering Lab
9. Engineering Graphics
10. Workshop Practical

Second Semester:

1. Engineering Physics
2. Mathematics
3. Mechanical Sciences
4. Introduction to Computing
5. Basic Engineering
6. Engineering Chemistry
7. Engineering Physics Lab
8. Engineering Chemistry Lab
9. Computing Lab
10. Electronics Engineering Lab
11. Engineering Graphics
12. Workshop Practical

Third Semester:

1. Mathematics
2. Circuit Theory & Networks
3. Numerical Methods & Programming
4. Electronic System Design
5. Digital Electronics & Logic Design
6. Data Structures & Algorithms
7. Digital Electronics & Logic Design Lab
8. Data Structure Lab
9. Numerical Methods & Programming Lab
10. Circuits & Networks Lab

Fourth Semester:

1. Mathematics
2. Analysis & Design of Information System
3. Computer Organization & Architecture
4. Principles of Communication Engineering
5. Control System
6. Communication Engineering laboratory
7. Control Systems Lab
8. Information System Design Lab
9. Computer Organization & Architecture Lab
10. Technical Report writing & Language Practice Lab (Sessional)

Fifth Semester:

1. Operating System
2. Operation Research & Optimization Technique
3. Formal Language & Automata Theory
4. Object Technology & UML
5. Microprocessor & Microcontrollers
6. Operating System Lab
7. Operation Research Lab
8. Object Technology Lab
9. Microprocessor & Microcontrollers Lab

Sixth Semester:

1. Software Engineering & Project Management
2. Management Information System
3. Data Communication & Networking
4. Database Management System
5. Multimedia Technology & Applications
6. Data Communication & Networking Lab
7. DBMS Lab
8. Multimedia Technology & Applications Lab
9. Gr. Discussion & Communication Skill (Sessional)

Seventh Semester:

1. Internetworking
2. Web Technology
3. Financial Management & Accounts
4. Elective I (Distributed Computing)
5. Internetworking Lab
6. Web Technology Lab
7. Assigned Project (Web based Online Banking)
8. Practical Training Evaluation (Sessional)
9. Seminar on Assigned / Selected Topic (Sessional)

Eighth Semester:

1. E-Commerce
2. Elective- II (Mobile Communications)
3. Industrial Management
4. Elective-III (Artificial Intelligence)
5. E-Commerce Lab
6. Gr. Discussion on Professionalism
7. Grand Viva Voce
8. Assigned Project (Web based Online Banking)

---

NJOY!!!!!

Alicia

Chat With Me (If I am Online ;))

ফিরে এসো গুচ্ছ ভাট

হেঃ!! গত কয়েকদিনের পোস্টগুলিতে যেন কতকটা সিরিয়াস-সিরিয়াস ভঙ্গী এয়েচে আমার ব্লগে। উরেব্বাবা... ইঞ্জীরি গপ্পপো... যেগুলান বাপের জম্মেও কোনদিন শেষ হবে না সে গ্র্যান্টি অথর দিচ্চে... হুঁ হুঁ বাবা, হেই আমি দিচ্চি। সঙ্গে আবার কোদ্দিয়ে না কোদ্দিয়ে জোগাড় করে কপি পেস্ট পোস্ট ছিল দুইখান। তা আজ ফিরে এল সেই পুরাতন হ্যাজানো। মাতৃভাষায় আটভাট হ্যাজানোর মতন সুখ কি আর অন্য কোথাও আছে রে ভাই?

এই যে পরীক্ষার শেষে বাড়ী বসে ভেরেন্ডা-ফ্রাই বানানো আর খই ভাজা... এই করতে করতে কত্ত সব কথা আসে মনে...

• কি পড়লাম - নীলপদ্ম - হুমায়ুন আহ্‌মেদ।
  
• কি করলাম - ওই যে... ভাজাভুজি।
  
• কি বুঝলাম - এটা চাপ টপিক, পরে গুছিয়ে লিখব (যদি টেম পাই)
  
• কি ভাবলাম - আনশান
  
• কি শুনলাম - চলো.. Let's Go, Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na (এ এ মা... পাপু নাচতে জানে না), Summer 2007 (Janiye -- ভালো গান, এটা রাখলুম "জানিয়ে") আর-ও যা যা দিল।
  
• কি দেখলাম - চলো.. Let's Go, Fire (Deepa Mehta), Halla Bol (Dir. - Rajkumar Santoshi *ing - Ajay Devgan, Vidya Balan) ETC

এবার আমি তুলে দেব হুমায়ুন আহ্‌মেদ-এর 'নীলপদ্ম' এর একটু অংশ উধৃতি। সময়ের অভাবে টাইপানো গেল না। পরে সময় পেলে টাইপ করে দেবার চেষ্টা করা যাবে খ'ন (যেটা কিনা জন্মেও হবে না আপনেও জানেন আর আমিও জানি)...

নীলপদ্ম - হুমায়ুন আহ্‌মেদ
(১০৩ ও ১০৪ নং পাতা থেকে অংশবিশেষ)

তোমার জন্য

তোমার জন্য কি কবিতা লিখব আমি?
সব শব্দই তুচ্ছ লাগে তোমার কাছে।
তোমার জন্য থাকুক আমার নীরবতাই,
চোখের ভাষায় মনের কথা পাবেই খুঁজে।
আনন্দ আর ফুর্তি মাখা সব কবিতা
ছড়িয়ে দিলাম সবার জন্য সকল দিকে,
এখন এসো তোমার সঙ্গে শেয়ার করি,
জমিয়ে রাখা কষ্ট যত আমার বুকের।
তুমি আমার চাঁদ-তারা-ফুল-আকাশ-বাতাস...
এসব আমি বলব না তো কোনওদিনই;
বলব শুধু একলা চলার বিশ্বমাঝে,
নিজের বলতে আমি শুধু তোমায় চিনি।
তোমার জন্য কি কবিতা লিখব আমি?
যা লিখি আমি তাই যে বড় কম মনে হয়।
তোমার সাথে ভাগ করি তাই নীরবতাই।
তুমি আমার একলাবেলার দোকলা সময়।।

- জয়দীপ

Cancer sniffing dog to be cloned in korea

Yet another copy-paste post. This article is actually from Park Chan-Kyong, AFP. This was published in The Times of India a few days back. I am copy-pasting this as-it-is from a Discovery Channel website (http://dsc.discovery.com/news/2008/05/21/cancer-dog-clone.html).

Cancer Sniffing Dog to be Cloned Park Chan-Kyong, AFP Black Lab Like Me May 21, 2008 -- A Japanese center which says it has trained a dog to sniff out human cancer cells is cloning the animal in South Korea, a Seoul-based biotechnology company and the dog's owner said Wednesday. Cloned fetuses from the black labrador retriever named Marine were last month implanted into a surrogate mother dog, said Ra Jeong-Chan, president of RNL Bio. "We are going to see the clones around the end of this month," Ra said. Marine, who is six and half years old, lost her ability to reproduce when she had her womb removed because of disease. She is owned by Yuji Satoh, a head trainer at St. Sugar Cancer Sniffing Dog Training Center, located at Shirahama in Chiba prefecture. Satoh said experts from Seoul National University, which created the world's first cloned dog in 2005, had taken some skin samples from Marine and brought them back to South Korea for the project. "We are making clones of Marine. She is touted as having a world top cancer-sniffing ability. By making her clones, we want to promote studies into cancer-sniffing dogs," Satoh said. "It's the world's first cloning of a cancer-sniffing dog." He and the Korean firm, which is coordinating the project, have agreed to produce two clones and train them at Satoh's center. One will then be brought back to South Korea for study at the university and the other will stay at the centre. If the project for two pups succeeds, they plan to produce more. "We want to make more clones of Marine for worldwide distribution" for studies into canine detection of cancer, Satoh said. Researchers in several countries are investigating whether dogs have the ability to detect lung, breast, prostate and skin cancer at an early and treatable stage. They believe cancer cells create a scent not present in healthy cells, which can theoretically be picked up by dogs in breath or urine samples. RNL Bio's last such project was an order for the world's first commercial cloning of a pet dog -- a request from a U.S. woman to re-create her beloved former pit bull. The firm said in February it planned to charge 150,000 dollars to clone the pit bull for the California woman, using tissue from her dead pet named Booger. A Seoul National University team created the world's first cloned dog in 2005, an Afghan hound named Snuppy. Team leader Lee Byeong-Chun said last week that Snuppy was expected to become a father this month following the first breeding of cloned canines. Lee's team also produced seven clones of drug-sniffing dogs last year at the request of the Korea Customs Service. They are said to be easier to train than ordinary canines.

P.S. I hope I am not making any copyright violations ;)

Homosexuality is not an animal behaviour

Here is what Wikipedia says on this:

" Humans, bonobos,[16] chimpanzees and dolphins[17] are the only species known to engage in heterosexual behaviors even when the female is not in estrus, which is a point in her reproductive cycle suitable for successful impregnation. These species, and others, are also known to engage in homosexual behaviors.[18] In both humans and bonobos the female undergoes relatively concealed ovulation, so that both male and female partners commonly do not know whether she is fertile at any given moment. One possible reason for this distinct biological feature may be formation of strong emotional bonds between sexual partners important for social interactions and, in the case of humans, long-term partnership rather than immediate sexual reproduction.[12] Humans, bonobos and dolphins are all intelligent social animals, whose cooperative behavior proves far more successful than that of any individual alone. In these animals, the use of sex has evolved beyond reproduction apparently to serve additional social functions. Sex reinforces intimate social bonds between individuals to form larger social structures. The resulting cooperation encourages collective tasks that promote the survival of each member of the group. "

A Brave Post in my BLOG!!! কি? তাই না? আপনার পিলে চমকে যায়নি তো?

CalcZ version 1.0.10.3_alpha released

Download CalcZ v1.0.10.3_alpha NOW!!!

Then what exactly is calcZ?

It is a command line (dos mode) scientific calculator. Which can do normal mathematical operations like addition, subtraction, multiplication, division, parenthesized expression solving, finding modulus, raised to operations and many more. As well as it does logarithmic and trigonometric calculations involving sin, cos, tan, log, loge, ln, exponentiation etc. You can use the result of the last calculation in the next calculation using 'Ans' keyword. The operations are much like normal 2-tier display scientific calculators in the market. Things will be more clear in the example section at the end of the blog.




And there are more. Apart from normal expression solving, you can use it to do other operations like binary to decimal, decimal to binary, decimal to hex, hex to decimal, factorial calculation and finding root of polynomials.

This calculator accepts the whole expression at once and outputs the result.

Why I use CalcZ?

There are many reasons:

1. This program is small in size w.r.t. features it supports. So you do not need to load a big program for a small calculation.
2. Supports most mathematical and scientific operations plus some more features.
3. It can find real roots of polynomials from this version.
4. If you have made any typing errors it tracks them specifically. For example, if you have entered "32+*32" instead of generation a 'Syn Error', it tells you 'Error! Repeated or misplaced operator'.
5. Comes with detailed help and support systems with lots of examples so that you do not get stuck.

What is this finding root of polynomials all about?

Yes, from this 1.0.10.3 version and onwards you can use the findroot command to enter a polynomial like "X^2+2*X-2" and this program will find the root for you. Internally, this program uses a numerical successive approximation method called SECANT.

Yes, this feature still has some deficiencies and stability issues (that is why this is an ALPHA release). But I am trying to overcome those. As of now this program can not find out complex roots. And if your polynomial have complex roots, this program can not help. More testing and updating is being done in this section.

How to use this software?

I am pasting a sample run of the software here. Hope all your queries will be resolved. If you still have some, please mail me at mail.joydip@gmail.com

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calcZ (v1.0.10.2_alpha)
Enter 'START' for Quick Start Guide
Enter 'EXIT' to Quit
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Enter Expression>> 23+3/2+23.5+(65-4)

The Answer is:

109.000000000000000

=> 1.090000000000000E+002

Enter Expression>> Ans ^ 2

The Answer is:

11881.000000000000000

=> 1.188100000000000E+004

Enter Expression>> 13 mod 5

The Answer is:

3.000000000000000

=> 3.000000000000000E+000

Enter Expression>> 13 % 5

The Answer is:

3.000000000000000

=> 3.000000000000000E+000

Enter Expression>> Sin(PI/4)+Cos(PI/4)

The Answer is:

1.414213562373095

=> 1.414213562373095E+000

Enter Expression>> Log 10

The Answer is:

1.000000000000000

=> 1.000000000000000E+000

Enter Expression>> Ln 10

The Answer is:

2.302585092994046

=> 2.302585092994046E+000

Enter Expression>> LogE 10

The Answer is:

2.302585092994046

=> 2.302585092994046E+000

Enter Expression>> 6.023*10^23

The Answer is:

602300000000000040000000.000000000000000

=> 6.023000000000000E+023


Enter Expression>> 6.023exp23

The Answer is:

602300000000000040000000.000000000000000

=> 6.023000000000000E+023

Enter Expression>> 1/0

The Answer is:

INFINITE

Enter Expression>> 0/0

The Answer is:

UNDEFINED

Enter Expression>> 6*10^(-2)

The Answer is:

0.060000000000000

=> 6.000000000000000E-002

Enter Expression>> 6e(-2)

The Answer is:

0.060000000000000

=> 6.000000000000000E-002

Enter Expression>> 6e(-2) + 0.0005

The Answer is:

0.060500000000000

=> 6.050000000000000E-002

Enter Expression>> 12+*4

Stack Underflow
(Possibly repeated or abnormal placement of operator)

----------------------------------------------------------------
calcZ (v1.0.10.2_alpha)
Enter 'START' for Quick Start Guide
Enter 'EXIT' to Quit
----------------------------------------------------------------

Enter Expression>> 12..4+89

The Answer is:

101.000000000000000

=> 1.010000000000000E+002

Enter Expression>> 12....4+89

The Answer is:

101.000000000000000

=> 1.010000000000000E+002

Enter Expression>> 12+w232

'W'
(INVALID CHARECTER)

Enter Expression>> bin2dec

Enter binary number>> 10110

Decimal equivalent is: 22

Enter Expression>> dec2bin

Enter any DECIMAL number>> 85

Binary Equivalent is: 1010101

Enter Expression>> dec2hex

Enter a decimal no>> 85

Hex is: 55

Enter Expression>> dec2hex

Enter a decimal no>> 15

Hex is: F

Enter Expression>> hex2dec

Enter a hex no>> f

Decimal is: 15

Enter Expression>> factorial

Enter number>> 15

Factorial: 2004310016

Enter Expression>> findroot

** NOTE: Program crashes if your polynomial have complex roots.

** NOTE: This feature is still not stable.**

Enter polynomial in terms of x>> x^2+2x-2

The root is : 0.732051
(correct upto five decimal places)

---

How do I download the program?

Please visit http://geocities.com/joydipdattaonline/downloads/index.htm to reach the download page.
Or click here to direct download.

Untitled Story

*** 1 ***

“Board game? This is a bored game.” said Runa.

“What else could we all do? Getting stuffed in this obnoxious house with the phase gone out?” said I.

“Oof!! On top of the load shading there is mosquitoes. At least someone do something about it. If it keeps going on like this they will end up drinking all my blood within next morning” Mitali screamed as a mosquito bit her.

“Koi… amake to kichhu kamrachchhe na?” Binoy invariably supported the mosquitoes.

Hrishi snapped, “Abbe… tu itna kaala hain ki machchhar bhi tujhko andhere se alag nehi kar pa raha”

And there was again a thrust of laughter and giggles.

Mitali said, “Ohh!! SIELENCE! Why you guys laugh laudly?”

Hrishi said, “Because it is no crime to not to be so hushed up all the way” and added a laud “HA HA HA”.

Mitali got pink over this and said, “You guys are all the same. Do whatever you want. Please don’t bother me”

“No one have that much time to bother you. See, we are already very busy.” Hrishi said and lit up a cigarette.

Amrita was silent all the way. now she snapped, “Hey Hrish… Don’t smoke.”

Hrishi snapped back, “I am not smoking.”

- “Uhh… then would you please tell me exactly what are you doing with the burning cigarette in your mouth?”
- “Just trying to get rid of the mosquitoes, and using tobacco in substitute of dhuna” and again started laughing.
- “You are just intolerable. I can not sustain you people any more. I am leaving” Mitali said.

“Where?” Binoy asked as if he was genuinely curious.

“Outside. Just getting rid of you.” Mitali declared.

I said in a newsreader’s tone, “Mitu is going outside. In the outside, amidst the pitch black darkness, a grayish figure will emerge out of the ivory backdrop. Slowly the figure will come towards our beloved Mitu. And Mitu will scream, ‘AAAAAHHH!!!’” I imitated Mitali’s sharp voice.

“You people are really intolerable.” And mitali sat beside me with a distinct thump.

The cigarette passing from hand to hand had just reached me. After taking a puff I politely asked Mitali, “Counter?”

Probabli this was a bit extra. Mitali got senti over this. And we all had to make her up. “Mitu… Mitu… Mitu… you are the gem of our team. See we were just having some fun. No intention truly…

*** 2 ***

On the contrary, the outside world was very calm. So calm that even the breathing of the plants and trees could be heard. The leaves of the tall deodar trees were trembling in the excitement of spring. The taller coconut and palm trees were making distinct hissing noises… they were breathing as it seemed. And a faint yellow moon could be seen near the horizon. The shadow of the moon looked garland of light around her.

In the very faint moonlight, two elongated shadows could be seen. They were slowly approaching the house.

*** 3 ***

“The whole matter proves one thing for certain, Mitu has certain allergy towards ghosts. Especially if they are pale and big Brahmadatyi type”

“Ohh!! Shut up Hrishi, you people frighten Mitu so much that she doesn’t even has the courage to go to the bathroom alone” said Amrita.

“Shut up you guys. I said I am bored” Runa talked after a long time in her distinct girly-girly tone.

“Yes, so are we. But do we have other options?” snapped Hrishi.

“Other options than playing Ludo in turns. Buladi herself may have not been played this much Ludo.” I said.

(May be continued...)

RAHMAN

(2nd Issue) The previous issue is here

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The story so far: When Rahman’s mother died when he was 21, the jobless Rahman became homeless too. Rambling here and there as a vagabond Rahman met a dying lady who gave him some coins. The last coin was a bit bizarre. It had an arrow on it. Whenever Rahman tossed it, the arrow side would be on top and pointing to a particular direction. Having nothing to do Rahman followed the direction and reached a small teashop where he bought bread. But as soon as the shopkeeper saw the coin in Rahman’s hand, they seemed to recognize him as the sacred walker walking the path of end unknown.

---

Rahman reached the shop. He could only afford one half breads with the one rupee left. Hesitating whether to spend or not spend, Raman entered the shop.

“Get me one of those half breads” said Rahman.

The bulky shopkeeper woman barked, “It costs one rupee.”

“Yes, give me that. I am hungry” said Rahman.

“Show me the money first. Lot’s of people from the poor village comes and eats and then asks us to write down the bill in the credit book which is not ever paid. Our cashbox are filling with credit book instead of cash. The shop will shut down if things keeps on going like this”, the woman barked again.

Well, that was not the behavior a first time customer expects from a shopkeeper. But in life the expected things does not always happen. Rahman was still reluctant to spend the last coin, so he was hesitating.

“Give me the money or move your butt out of my shop” the woman barked at the highest possible pitch. Rahman was jerked with the intensity and loudness and slowly gave her the coin.

But as soon as the woman saw the one rupee coin, the body language of the woman changed. She handed over him one half bread and gave the one rupee back to him.

Rahman said, “The coin is perfectly alright. It is not disputed. You must take this one. I have none other left.”

The woman responded, “Son, First stop people do not take money from the sacred walkers.” Rahman could not get the meaning. He was too amazed to ask what she meant. The woman said, “Take this bread son.”

As Rahman was leaving the shop, he heard the woman saying to the aged man “Saw him? He is the chosen one.”

Rahman’s ear drums were buzzing. What were these things? What is meant by sacred walkers? What was the meaning of the chosen one? Totally puzzled Rahman stood in front of the shop and tossed the coin again. This time the coin landed vertically.

The coin landed vertically… wait, this means this is the place where the coin was intending to take me. The coin guided me here… Yes, this is the place. But why is that? What is special in this distant teashop in this godforsaken place?

“I must check it out” thought Rahman. Forgetting all his earthly needs like appetite, Rahman went back to the shop and his jaw dropped. He first thought he must have been forgot the path back to the teashop. He went back and came again to make sure he was right. But where the hell is the teashop? There was nothing. The landscape was just empty; only some bushes scattered here and there and some cows grazing. Puzzled Rahman tossed the coin again, this time it was pointing somewhere else.

“What the hell is this happening?” Rahman cried aloud and sat on the empty field. His brain had just ceased to process the unnatural data which was in contrary to the logics it learned from Rahman’s childhood. First a dying grandma, then a bizarre coin, then some dream sequences, after that some bizarre people in a teashop with their God-knows-what-it-means set of dialogs and now all of a sudden the shop is vanished. All I got is this coin and this half bread.

“I need to use my brain” thought Rahman. What was the shopkeeper saying? “First stop people…” this means there are more. There is way ahead; perhaps a very long journey towards the end unknown.

“What should I do? Continue walking or get back to my village home and continue to work in Sadhan Kaka’s grocery shop as a helper for a meager 100 rupees at the month’s end? Whatever; let me eat the bread first”

Being too puzzled amidst these weird scenes Rahman forgot his appetite. Suddenly it came back. He tore off the paper wrapping and had a bite.

“WHACKK!!! There is something inside. A piece of plastic coated paper was peeping out from the bitten off corner of the bread. Rahman quickly ate the bread and got the paper out. Some message was written on it.


(May be continued)

- Joydip Datta

বিচ্ছিন্ন কিছু ঘটনা ছাড়া...

বিচ্ছিন্ন কিছু ঘটনা ছাড়া এবারের পঞ্চায়েত নির্বাচন অবাধ ও শান্তিপূর্ণ হয়েছে।

শান্তিপূর্ন নির্বাচনেই অন্ততঃ ২৩ জন (আঃবাঃপঃ) মারা গেলেন...
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পরীক্ষা শেষ হল

 একরাশ বেদনার মাঝখান দিয়ে আমার কলেজ জীবন শেষ হল। দেখতে দেখতে কেটে গেল চার চারটি বছর। সেই ফার্স্ট-ইয়ারে গুটি-গুটি পায়ে ঢুকেছিলাম অনেকটা ধুকপুকুনি সঙ্গে নিয়ে... ঢুকতেই কানে এসেছিল কলেজের অনেক বদনাম - সিনিয়রদের মুখ থেকে... যার অনেকটাই হয়তো সত্যি, তাও আজ বলব কলেজ থেকে পেয়েছি ও প্রচূর।

আজ এই বিদায়বেলায় মনে পড়ে সেই প্রথম বছরের দিনগুলোর কথা, <may be continued>

The Night Before AI Exam

Within a few hours there will be the last written exam of my student life. And I am now going to sleep with a terrible preparation too. Not because I am tired, but because my brain got saturated with the AI stuff which mostly I could not crack.

There is a pitch black night outside. Only the outlines of the houses and trees are seeming like grotesque obstacles to the dark red cloudy midnight sky. Within a few hours the black will be faded by morning rays and after some more hours my 'Student' life (not in the broader sense) will end. After the exam there will be no 'MID SEM BREAK'...

What next?

5th May, 2008, 01:04 AM

When I Just Started Scribbling

It was when i was ~ 2 to 3 years old...

हिन्दी :D

ब्लागस्पाट के ब्लॉग में आप हिन्दी में भी लिख सकते हैं। मगर मैं किउं लिक्क्हू?

Diplomacy – acting all the way

It is too hot outside and humid too. If it doesn’t rain in this early Baishakh, it is too much. At least for someone like me who is caught by fever with body ache only after moving in the sun for a couple of days. I don’t know much about lots of the hard working people working just beneath the sun day in and day out to get the two ends meet. See I am again flagellating.

But Hey!! Wait… Wait… I am drifting away from the topic.

As you grow older, whatever you are in life, successful or a loser, at the top or at the bottom or rather pushing all the way for a place in the middle like the huge crowd and me, one thing is for sure. You learn acting as you grow older. You need to be diplomatic all the way; no emotions whatsoever (or you need to fake the emotion in some situations like a funeral of a distant uncle). If you get success, reach at the top, yet you can not shout “See I am at the top. Come on chase me… I will piss you all off.” You can not show your joy… you must put a matter-of-factly smile on your face.

And more importantly,

Say you lose the game. You get to the bottom with a distinct thump. Suddenly you see people who were behind you are suddenly way ahead of you (like it happens when your car/bike crashes in a racing game like Road Rash or NFS), when your life get some unusual wrong turn which you did not anticipated even in your darkest nightmares, when people just cease noticing your presence, you become suddenly invisible as if you are a total not-worthy-type of person, then also you must put a diplomatic smile stuck to your lips as if nothing have happened and your are still the happy-happy person as you were some months before. You can not shout… you can not scream your heart out. You are fucked up in this jail of pseudo happiness which does not let you to be genuinely too happy or too sad.

You can not speak your heart out.

I sometimes get a mood of singing aloud or laughing to my hearts content (whatever may the reason be) at a crowded Sealdah station. I could do so when I was under five. But if I try that at this age, people will pay me a long curious/disgusting/brushing-over-top-to-bottom glance. If I dare to do it again someone will ask me if I was alright or just tell me to stop. If I do it for the third time, there are again options. Either there will be crowd all around me or someone will slap me hard or I will be handed over to the RPF.

And as a result (I think) you gradually become a never-happy-never-sad class of ROBOT. By acting that you do not have any emotions most of the times, one day you really lose them.

You see, most of the times we don’t know what we actually want. Even if we get to know what we want, we can not speak them out (desires is the root cause of all evils… I know. But still, with out fulfilling desires you can not walk the path of detachment … I think. And desires may not always be “bad things” like wanting to have sex with the pretty chick at the bus stop or killing your bad boss out.) Just because of the fact that we need to be smart and diplomatic.

Sometimes I think it is better to be an animal.

- Joydip Datta

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